Trump Declares War on Wind, Loses as Breeze Continues Blowing Without His Permission

Former president’s all-out assault on offshore turbines fails to stop them from spinning, much to his bewilderment

The United States is currently experiencing the largest offshore wind expansion in its history, a surge that continues unabated even as former President Donald Trump wages what clean energy advocates describe as an all-out war against the sector. Trump, who has repeatedly called wind turbines “bird-killing monstrosities” and claimed they cause cancer, has reportedly been spotted shaking his fist at the horizon from his Mar-a-Lago terrace while turbines spin mockingly offshore.

“It’s like he’s trying to stop the tide with a garden hose,” said Dr. Helena Gustafson, a renewable energy analyst at the Brookings Institution. “Every time he tweets something about wind power, a new turbine gets installed. At this rate, we’ll hit 30 gigawatts by the time he finishes his next rant.”

Developers are moving forward with major projects off the Atlantic coast, from Massachusetts to Virginia, installing towering turbines that will soon supply power to hundreds of thousands of homes. The boom marks a turning point for an industry that long struggled to gain a foothold in the U.S., but now faces political headwinds from the Republican front-runner and his allies. Trump, who has pledged to halt offshore wind leasing if he returns to the White House, recently told a rally: “I will stop the wind. I will stop it cold. You watch. They’ll be begging for coal.”

The current build-out was set in motion under the Biden administration, which set a goal of 30 gigawatts of offshore wind by 2030. That target has spurred billions of dollars in investment, with states like New York, New Jersey, and Massachusetts mandating clean energy purchases that lock in demand for years to come. “Trump’s war on wind is like a mosquito attacking a tank,” said Kevin, our editor, who has been staring at a photo of a wind turbine for three hours. “It’s noisy, annoying, and ultimately ineffective, but you have to admire the mosquito’s commitment.”

Yet the political battle is far from over. Trump’s rhetoric has resonated in coastal communities where some residents and fishing groups oppose the turbines, citing concerns about views, marine life, and navigation. “I don’t want to look at those things from my beach house,” said Martha Gunderson, a retired real estate agent from Cape Cod. “They ruin the natural beauty. I’d rather look at a coal plant, honestly. At least coal plants don’t spin.” Clean energy advocates counter that the industry has addressed many of these issues through improved siting and technology, and they point to the economic benefits: thousands of construction jobs, new port infrastructure, and a domestic supply chain that is beginning to take shape.

The expansion also faces practical hurdles. Supply chain bottlenecks, rising interest rates, and inflation have delayed some projects and increased costs. But analysts say the wind industry is likely to weather these storms, much like a turbine in a hurricane—which, coincidentally, Trump once claimed would “blow them all down.” Editor’s note: Kevin asked us to clarify that he did not, in fact, cry while writing this article, but he did whisper “keep spinning” at his computer screen.

Ispirato da: Real article about offshore wind expansion continuing despite Trump's opposition

Categoria: Ambiente

Questo articolo è satira generata con l'ausilio di intelligenza artificiale e supervisione editoriale umana. Ogni riferimento a fatti reali è puramente parodico.
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