WORLD REPORTS BROADLY NORMAL SATURDAY

Iran on Saturday began a dayslong funeral for Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei, killed by an airstrike at the start of a war whose peace negotiations are currently paused, in part for the funeral.

In Venezuela, where twin earthquakes have killed at least 2,595 people, acting President Delcy Rodríguez addressed the emergency by criticizing those who criticized the response, an approach that has so far rescued no one.

Russia, meanwhile, struck Kyiv in what it described as retaliatory attacks, without specifying for what — a detail the word no longer appears to require.

Not, on balance, an especially quiet day.

This article is satire written with human editorial oversight.
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