Court Rules Goodluck Jonathan Eligible for Presidency, Fines Plaintiff N21 Million for Asking

‘Stupidity tax’ seen as a bold new deterrent against pesky constitutional questions about former leaders returning to power.

Abuja – In a landmark ruling that has cemented Nigeria’s reputation for judicial creativity, a Federal High Court in Abuja has declared that former President Goodluck Jonathan is fully eligible to run for office again. The court also imposed a N21 million fine on the plaintiff who dared to ask whether a constitutional amendment might actually apply to someone who left office nine years ago.

Justice Abimbola Oluwasanmi, visibly irritated by the plaintiff’s “tiresome and unpatriotic” line of questioning, ruled that the 2018 constitutional amendment limiting presidents to two terms does not retroactively apply to Jonathan’s 2010–2015 tenure. “The amendment is for future presidents, not for our Goodluck,” the judge said, adding that the plaintiff’s case was “the judicial equivalent of asking if yesterday’s rain is wet.”

The fine – roughly the cost of 21,000 plates of jollof rice – was described by court observers as a “stupidity tax” designed to discourage frivolous litigation. “We wanted to send a message,” said court registrar Emmanuel Okonkwo. “If you’re going to waste our time with baseless legal challenges against former presidents who might possibly want to return to power, you will pay through the nose. Next time, it will be N42 million. And we will garnish your children’s school fees.”

The plaintiff, identified only as Mr. Obinna Nwosu, a 34-year-old accountant from Enugu, said he was “stunned” by the ruling. “I just wanted clarity on the constitution. Is that a crime? N21 million? I could have used that to buy a brand new SUV or fund my own presidential campaign. Instead, I’m now funding the judiciary’s air conditioning bill.” Legal experts say Mr. Nwosu has no plans to appeal, as the court warned that any appeal would incur an additional “nuisance surcharge.”

Former President Jonathan, who has not yet declared his candidacy, responded to the ruling with his trademark enigmatic smile. “This is a victory for democracy,” he told reporters outside his Abuja residence. “But also for fate, destiny, and the fact that the constitution is a very flexible document when you have the right lawyers.” Political analysts suggest the ruling effectively clears the path for Jonathan to challenge the current administration, though no one is quite sure why he would want to. “It’s like winning a free ticket back onto a sinking ship,” said political scientist Dr. Chidi Mokeme. “But Goodluck has always been fond of lifeboats.”

Editor’s note: Kevin, our overworked editor, read this story and muttered, “So they’re fining people for asking questions now? At that rate, I owe the government about N200 million.” We asked him to clarify. He just pointed to a stack of unanswered emails.

The ruling has sparked speculation about a possible Jonathan candidacy in 2027. Meanwhile, the plaintiff’s GoFundMe to cover the fine has raised N3,000, mostly from his mother. “I told him not to mess with Goodluck,” she said. “But would he listen? No. Now look at him. N21 million poorer. And he still doesn’t know what the constitution says.”

In a related development, a separate plaintiff has already filed a case challenging the legality of the N21 million fine. The court has not yet assigned a judge, but insiders say the file currently has a sticky note reading: “Double fine this one.”

Ispirato da: Real news: Nigerian court rules former President Goodluck Jonathan eligible to run again, fines plaintiff N21 million.

Categoria: Politica

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