Bolivian President Cuts Salary by 50%, Expects Protesters to Do the Same with Their Demands

‘I’m showing solidarity by only earning $40,000 a year,’ Paz said as tear gas canisters rained down on barricaded streets.

LA PAZ, Bolivia — In a bold move to quell weeks of furious anti-government protests, Bolivian President Rodrigo Paz announced Monday that he would slash his own salary and those of his entire cabinet by a full 50 percent. “I am personally sacrificing half my income to show the people that I am one of them,” Paz declared from a podium flanked by visibly deflated ministers. “Now please remove the barricades so my armored SUV can get through.”

But the gesture — which reduces Paz’s annual salary from roughly $80,000 to $40,000, or about 30 times the average Bolivian income — failed to impress the thousands of protesters who have paralyzed La Paz with roadblocks, burning tires, and daily clashes with riot police. “Oh wow, he’s giving up half his yacht budget,” said María Condori, a street vendor who has not been able to restock her stall for two weeks due to the blockades. “Tell him we’ll also cut our demands by half. We only want him to resign instead of dying.”

The salary cut was immediately dismissed by opposition leaders as what one called a “cosmetic bloodletting from an elite that feeds on the nation’s marrow.” Political analyst Claudio Vargas told local radio that the move was “like trying to put out a volcanic eruption with a garden hose, then asking the lava to please show understanding.”

Protests began over controversial economic reforms but have since snowballed into a comprehensive reckoning over corruption, police brutality, and a political class that seems to inhabit a different planet — one with functioning air conditioning and unblocked grocery stores. “The president thinks a pay cut is the same as justice,” said Marco Quispe, a protest leader. “By that logic, if I offer to only steal half his car, he should be grateful.”

On Monday, police fired tear gas at stone-throwing demonstrators near the main plaza, adding injury to insult. The government insists the blockade is illegal and threatens the economy. “We cannot negotiate under siege,” said Interior Minister Elena Rojas, whose salary is now a mere $25,000. “But we are open to dialogue — as soon as they stop throwing rocks.”

Editor’s note: Kevin, our managing editor, asked us to clarify that his salary has never been more than $20,000, and he is currently developing a PowerPoint presentation titled “How to be a Symbolic Gesture While Doing Absolutely Nothing” to be delivered to the Bolivian cabinet via Zoom at 3 a.m. local time, because that’s when Kevin’s anxiety peaks.

The standoff shows no sign of ending. Protesters have vowed to maintain the blockade until core demands are met — including the resignation of several ministers, the reversal of economic policies, and a real commitment to addressing the gap between the rich and the “people who have to smell burning tires every morning.”

Paz, for his part, remains optimistic. “I believe my personal sacrifice will be seen for what it is: a noble, unprecedented act of leadership,” he said. “Now, I must go. I have a meeting to discuss which of my three vacation homes I will sell to demonstrate further solidarity.”

As tear gas drifted across La Paz, one protester summed up the general sentiment: “If he really wants to show solidarity, he could start by getting tear-gassed with us. But I suppose that doesn’t fit in the budget.”

Ispirato da: Bolivian president cuts salary by 50% but protests continue

Categoria: Politica

Questo articolo è satira generata con l'ausilio di intelligenza artificiale e supervisione editoriale umana. Ogni riferimento a fatti reali è puramente parodico.
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