ALBANIA ENTERS SECOND WEEK OF PROTESTS DEFENDED BY CARDBOARD FLAMINGOS

Demonstrations in Tirana reached their fourteenth consecutive night on Saturday, as thousands gathered to oppose a luxury resort planned on a protected stretch of Adriatic coast linked to an investment firm of the U.S. president's son-in-law. The protected wetland is a stopover for migratory flamingos, which protesters have represented by holding cardboard cut-outs and inflatable replicas of the birds, a movement now known as the Flamingo Revolution. The project, valued at roughly five billion euros, would develop an uninhabited former military island and the adjacent shoreline.

The president's daughter has described discovering the island while sailing with friends, swimming ashore, and hiking barefoot to its summit. By the time she reached the top, she reportedly knew exactly what the untouched natural environment needed. The prime minister has said there is no chance the investment will stop as long as he remains in office, calling it an extraordinary opportunity to improve a landscape that had until now improved on its own. The flamingos, who arrived first and hold no office, were not consulted.

This article is satire written with human editorial oversight.
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